Perimenopause and Libido: What’s Going On?
What Is Libido?
Libido means your desire for sex. It’s also called sex drive. Everyone’s libido is different — and it can change over time.
During perimenopause, many women notice a lower sex drive — and that’s completely normal. But it can still be confusing or frustrating.
What Is Perimenopause Again?
Perimenopause is the time before menopause when your body’s hormones — especially estrogen and progesterone — start to rise and fall.
This can happen in your late 30s or 40s and may last several years.
How Does Perimenopause Affect Sex Drive?
Your hormones affect your whole body — including your interest in sex. During perimenopause, changes in estrogen and other hormones can lead to:
Less interest in sex
Vaginal dryness, which can make sex uncomfortable
Mood changes, like sadness, stress, or anxiety
Sleep problems, which can leave you too tired for intimacy
Body changes that affect how you feel about yourself
All of these can make your sex drive go down — and that’s very common.
Will My Libido Ever Come Back?
For many women, yes — your sex drive can improve over time. Sometimes it gets better after menopause when hormone levels settle down.
But you don’t have to just wait it out. There are things you can do now to feel better and more connected.
What Can Help?
Here are some ways to support your libido during perimenopause:
1. Talk About It
Share how you’re feeling with your partner
Being open can help reduce stress and build closeness
2. Try Vaginal Moisturizers or Lubricants
These can make sex more comfortable if dryness is an issue
Use them regularly or just before sex
3. Focus on Intimacy, Not Just Intercourse
Touch, closeness, and emotional connection matter too
4. Take Care of Yourself
Sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet can help your energy and mood
Feeling good in your body can boost confidence
5. Talk to Your Doctor
Hormone therapy or other treatments might help
There are also medicines made to support low libido in some women
You’re Not Alone
Lots of women feel a shift in sex drive during perimenopause. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your relationship.
With the right support and care, you can feel good in your body and your relationships again.
What About Body Image?
Perimenopause isn’t just about physical changes — it also affects how you feel about your body.
You might look in the mirror and not recognize yourself. Maybe your clothes fit differently. You might feel less confident, more self-conscious, or frustrated with how your body is changing.
These feelings are common — and completely valid.
But here’s something important: your worth is not tied to your weight or your appearance.
Perimenopause is a chance to reconnect with your body in a new way — with care, kindness, and strength, not shame.
Instead of focusing only on what’s changing, try asking:
How does my body feel today?
What does my body need to feel supported?
What can I do to treat myself with respect and compassion?
This is a great time to shift the focus from “how I look” to “how I feel in my body” — strong, rested, connected, and well.
Is It Just Belly Fat?
Many women notice weight gathering around the midsection more than other areas. This is called visceral fat, and it’s different from the fat under your skin. Visceral fat sits deeper, around your organs, and is linked to higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, and other health issues.
What Can I Do About It?
The good news is: you can take control. You don’t have to aim for your 25-year-old weight — but you can feel healthy, strong, and confident in your body now.
1. Focus on Muscle
Do strength training (like weights, resistance bands, or bodyweight exercises) 2–3 times a week to maintain and build muscle.
2. Eat Smart
Focus on protein, fiber, and healthy fats to support muscle and keep you full.
Cut back on processed foods and added sugar — these spike blood sugar and can lead to more belly fat.
Eat mindfully — slow down and listen to your body’s hunger cues.
3. Move More
Aim for at least 30 minutes of movement most days. Walking, dancing, swimming — whatever you enjoy.
4. Sleep and Stress
Try to get 7–9 hours of sleep a night.
Practice stress-reducing habits like deep breathing, stretching, journaling, or talking to someone you trust.
5. Talk to Your Doctor
Hormone therapy or other treatments might help with weight, sleep, or mood.
Ask about your thyroid, blood sugar, and cholesterol — they can all change during perimenopause.
Be Kind to Yourself
Your body is not failing — it’s transitioning.
Perimenopause can change your shape, your weight, and how you feel — but it’s not the end of health or confidence. It’s the beginning of a new phase, and you deserve to enter it with strength, support, and self-respect.
🧡 Self-Compassion Checklist for Perimenopause
A gentle guide to treating yourself with care during life’s changes
🌤 MIND
☐ I gave myself permission to feel how I feel today.
Whether it's tired, moody, or full of energy — it's okay. All feelings are allowed.
☐ I spoke to myself like I would speak to a friend.
No harsh words. Just kindness, patience, and support.
☐ I reminded myself that I’m not alone.
Millions of women go through this. What I’m feeling is common and valid.
💪 BODY
☐ I listened to what my body needs today.
Rest? Movement? Stretching? Water? Food? I paid attention.
☐ I nourished my body without guilt.
I ate to fuel myself — not to punish, restrict, or “make up” for anything.
☐ I moved my body in a way that felt good.
Even a short walk or stretch counts. I chose what felt right for me.
❤️ HEART
☐ I showed myself patience instead of pressure.
My body and brain are changing. I don’t have to be perfect.
☐ I did one small thing that brought me joy.
Laughed. Cuddled. Listened to music. Watched something silly. Joy matters.
☐ I gave myself credit, not just criticism.
I noticed something I did well today — even if it was just showing up.
🛑 BONUS: WHEN I STRUGGLED, I…
☐ Paused, breathed, and reminded myself: this moment will pass.
☐ Asked for help or support if I needed it.
☐ Gave myself grace.
📌 Remember:
You are going through a big transition. You don’t need to push harder — you need more care. Self-compassion isn’t selfish. It’s survival.